could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
