I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
