I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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