I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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