I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
