why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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