A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sex in the backyard? Check.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
