I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
