Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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