So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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