I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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