just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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