she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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