so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
