Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
