I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
