Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
