Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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