His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So much rum. So many feels.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
