ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
