forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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