Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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