i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
