Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
