I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
