Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
