Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
