You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
