can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
