Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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