It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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