There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
