just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
