Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
