i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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