i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
