Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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