My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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