she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
