In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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