I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
