put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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