why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
