we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
