just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
