Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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