hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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