**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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