Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
