You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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