We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
