Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
